Friends With Benefits
May 20th, 2007 by jedtaneoSo I’ve relatively recently found myself a single young adult
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Friends With Benefits. I think the whole point of fwbs is that you don’t HAVe to be exclusive, you just kinda always have this "friend" around who is willing to take care of your needs when called upon.
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People usually demand exclusivity because of their feelings, because they associate sex with love. If there is not emotional attachment, why restrict yourself to one person.
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Most of the time, people don’t get rid of FWB’s until they’ve found that special person with whom they want to share all the intimacy and love in a relationship. Usually, feelings get involved just like yours have done here. And it causes problems in the new relationship and with the FWB relationship. The end result is usually DRAMA.
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I started second-guessing myself. "What if she’s the one?"
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Sleep last night was restless and haunted with the same inner questions emerging from my heart, conflicting with the common-sense values that my brain tends to spew forth in copious and sometimes ponderous quantities.
This is not supposed to hurt, at least that was the original intent of this type of relationship to begin with. People come and go, stay for a while and then move on. Again, my head knows this (well, one of them anyway) but the heart wants better answers.
This is not supposed to happen to me! I know my limitaions, I have learned to control my emotions.. I am the one who’s forever telling friends and acquaintances to use your heart in relationships and not to exclusively rely on advices.
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I’m sure it depends on the situation. FWB’s tend to give way to serious relationships if they occur, and I don’t think it’s fair to deny him the opportunity to seek one if he so chooses.
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FWB’s usually aren’t exclusive. The understanding is that it’s just sex, with no emotional restraints.
it’s something you both are comfortable with and neither of you secretly want more out of it.
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"NO STRINGS ATTACHED!"
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well….when u dont wanna commit why continue having sex….
why dont u wanna commit when there is chemistry, caring and the relationship is easy going…no jealousy…nothing. isnt that the basis of a perfect relationship in the first place?
and then dont u always always want more.
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according to some, men cannot see their fwb as a candidate for a serious relationship. once it is casual, it is pretty much permanently set in their minds as casual. i think it can be the same with women too.
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FWB * is * a form of a relationship. Only the rules are a little different than when in a committed monogamous relationship.
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I told myself, where is this going? i don’t believe in bad start create bad relationships,its just a matter of falling in love right there. Fwb or not, there’s still feelings involve.
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so when he decides to find someone he really wants to settle with or that he really likes or in love with, your benefits may be cut off without a notice. Just so you will know, men don’t normally respect women who they consider "friends with benefits". That is not a lady like or a respectful name or label to have. Think about it before you let this man take advantage of your body.
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NOW, the one million dollar question, is there hope for fwbs? will it work?
First, is it really fwbs? or some feelings supressed hidden in fwbs?
The ideal friends with benefits scenario would be where there is only a physical attraction and physical relationship, and no emotional strings attached whatsoever. Sounds like the preference for a lot of guys (maybe girls), right? While they wish this could be true, the idealistic “friends with benefits” option, sadly, does not exist, and will never exist. It is impossible. Impossible, you say? Yes, impossible. As much as I am a fan of this perfect situation, I am here to announce that this ideal method can never happen without something screwing it up. Sorry. How come?
Humans are naturally jealous and selfish creatures. Meaning, there is no way to keep a friends with benefits relationship strictly physical, because the E-N-V-Y will always get in the way. A friends with benefits relationship is strictly defined as no strings attached whatsoever, meaning the pair has physical relations but is allowed to see other people, hang out with other people, and even like other people. However, because the pair is allowed to interact with others, jealousy, and its brother selfishness, will always play a role in the relationship. Why? Because if the two are allowed to flirt with other people, it is almost always certain that one half will flirt more than the other half. It can vary between whether the guy or girl does it more, but the fact of the matter is that one will flirt more than the other.
why would they become jealous? They are jealous because they are selfish. Now, it’s also a truth that all humans are selfish. We all want what is best for ourselves, and if there is something good for us, we will in more cases keep it to ourselves than share with others. Therefore, if one ever came across someone who was actually attractive enough to start the ideal “friends with benefits” relationship, chances are the person would not want them starting “friends with benefits” relationships with everyone else. They would want them all to themselves. Understandable, and logical, right? One thinks, “hey, this is a keeper”, and does not want to “share the wealth.” A friends with benefits relationship, ideally, is supposed to be purely physical. No strings attached. Two people meet, get it on, and then leave as if nothing happened. Just like that. But jealousy and selfishness will, sadly, keep this sort of thing from happening. Friends with benefits triggers jealousy. Jealousy triggers selfishness, which in turn will trigger more jealousy.
A “friends with benefits” relationship cannot happen because something even bigger gets in the way: emotions. Ah yes, those things. Boo. Emotions will always get in the way, whether you like it or not. Jealousy and selfishness are just combinations of different emotions.
When you throw emotions into the mix, the “friends with benefits” idealness is immediately lost. There is now an emotional side to the relationship, and therefore the purely physical aspect is gone. Vanished, just like that. One may try as hard as he/she can to disregard emotions, but all attempts will be in vain. How does this happen? First of all, the “friends with benefits” situation MAY work out for a short period of time. But there is no way that people can continually see each other and not begin to feel something for each other.
people will be bound to start thinking of each other outside of the time they spend together, and the fact that one is thinking of the other indicates something more than a physical attraction. Secondly, as humans, emotional attachments are crucial to the survival and proper social development of a human being. Humans need love, care, sympathy, and a sense of belonging, all of which have no business whatsoever in a “friends with benefits” relationship. But as a human, one will naturally yearn for something more than a physical relationship, because it is not holistically satisfying enough. Even the toughest people need emotional comforting from time to time. People want someone they can relate to on a personal level, someone they can talk to when times are tough. At some point people will grow out of their physical-only shells, and begin to search for a deeper emotional attachment to someone they were initially only physically attracted to. Now, who begins to feel emotions is up for grabs, but one will eventually feel something more than physical for the other person. Emotions will always get in the way of a “friends with benefits” relationship.
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You cannot guarantee that the other person will feel something more than physical.
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No fuss, no worries, no feelings, no strings attached. Do what you gotta do, and then get out. Literally. No heartache, no responsibilities associated with a relationship, no being tied down.
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I fell in love.